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Why is it that I'm the bad guy? I can be standing there in tears, falling apart in front of them, and it's always my fault. It's never them. How do you even start to argue against that? I'm apologising for my own existence again, and it's killing me.
Why is it, in the RP community, we always tell each other to communicate?

Outside of a select few, all my attempts to communicate have gone horribly, horribly wrong.

It's difficult to put yourself out there and admit to a group that something is wrong; harder still to openly admit how it makes you feel. There are always going to be misunderstandings and miscommunications, and when emotions run high, these are all the more likely to happen. So why do we tell each other to talk to one another, when talking brings these emotions running high and makes us more likely to say something we'll regret?

I deeply regret everything I have recently said to one particular group. I should never have opened the can of worms in the first place. I should have kept my mouth shut. Because what did I accomplish, in the end? I upset everyone. I lost my temper and ran away first, and effectively screwed up everyone's Friday night. And now I'm waiting, terrified that neither of the other parties involved will show themselves while I'm visible. Terrified that I've burned my bridges and lost people I enjoy spending time with, purely because I took the plunge and expressed myself.

I've apologised, but what good is an apology when the damage is already done? I feel as though I've dropped an atom bomb on a situation that would have been much better handled if I'd just faded away. I've done online what I have never been able to do in RL - expressed myself openly and honestly, laid out my feelings, and like any wounded animal, I lashed out in my hurt and have done what feels like irreparable damage to at least one friendship.

And the worst part of it is knowing that if I had just kept my mouth shut, if I had stopped myself from communicating in the first place, Friday night would not have been totally destroyed for at least three people. That's on me, and I hate it. But that's what happens when I communicate - people get upset, hurt, and angry, and we all lose sight of why we're really there; to have fun and connect through writing.

Through obeying the advice of the RP community in general, I feel as though I've destroyed something that was actually pretty good. So tell me again ... just why do we tell each other to communicate?

Sparklies!